We named our party play list daddy issues
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
