So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
