and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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