Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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