remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
