the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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