dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
