No stitches, just platelets and will power
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
