y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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