Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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