Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
