Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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