Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
