the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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