if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dear god my vagina.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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