The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
