did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
