New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it because I queefed?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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