brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
