we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
