Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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