Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
