yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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