clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
