so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
