How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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