He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
