I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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