Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
