Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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