I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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