I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and she was petting her beer can
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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