I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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