I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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