I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
