Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
