Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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