we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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