I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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