just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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