if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
