well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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