I wanna bring you to show and tell
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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