I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
