We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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