using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
