New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
