broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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