I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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