I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
God, I missed his penis.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
