I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
