dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
