based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
