i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
