Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
