just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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