Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
