You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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