At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
