Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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