Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
