thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
